THE COVID MONTHS | WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON WITH OUR CHILDREN?

A year on, there is much talk about the impact of lockdowns, the effects of school closures and the Covid-19 pandemic on the mental health and wellbeing of our nation’s children and adolescents. But what is really going on right now?

Sue Holdswoth and Joanne Rubbi have been finding out about the issues that children and adolescent have faced. Here is what they discovered.

WITHDRAWAL & DISCONNECTING

For those on-line, a theme which has emerged strongly has been that of young clients gradually withdrawing and disconnecting from relationships and life, and this includes from therapy. Not wanting to attend online lessons or engage in therapy sessions, not wanting to even get out of bed, has been challenging for parents and practitioners, and obviously raises concerns.

WILL I BRING THE VIRUS BACK HOME?

For some, this comes with very serious added concerns and anxieties. “If I return to school, will my parents be ok? What if I bring the virus back to them and they become ill or, worse, will they die? Then that would be my fault and I will be alone in the world. If I am with them I can make sure they are safe and ok. . After prolonged periods of time together, the idea of separating and individuating has no appeal in contrast to the comfort and safety that home and symbiotic relationships bring.

LOCKDOWN HAS HELPED SOME CHILDREN

Some children report that they have definitely benefitted from lockdown. Some have had precious time with parents and carers, forging and fostering secure attachments. Some have even experienced early unmet needs being unexpectedly satisfied. Children who have found school to be a hostile or difficult environment, because, for example, they have been targeted by bullies or struggled with friendships, the learning environment or sensory overload, have welcomed the respite that lockdown has gifted them. Some have benefitted from slowing down, waking up late, not having to face alarm clocks, stressful bus journeys, PE lessons or negotiate busy school corridors, noisy canteens, the politics of playgrounds and crowded assemblies. There have also been those children who have remained in school, due to their vulnerability or family situations, and have really benefitted from smaller class sizes and quieter environments; their “bubbles” have been protective and containing.

HIGH LEVELS OF ANXIETY

However, whilst some have enjoyed staying home or even staying at school, this may have been accompanied by increased performance anxiety relating to their academic work and exams. Therapists have reported seeing an increase in anxiety relating to school achievement and fear of failing. This has often come with a very real lack of motivation and “Zoom fatigue” further exacerbating the performance anxieties.  Our young people are also often very concerned about the environment and for some, performance anxiety is morphing into real existential terror about their futures and the plight of the planet. Many practitioners have noted an increase in the phenomena of displaced anxiety. Monsters under the bed and terrifying characters from films stalking up and down hallways have made a resurgence!

Anxiety, and the displacement of such, isn’t, of course, restricted to children and young people. Practitioners have noted that there has been an increase in some parents displacing and projecting their own difficulties onto children and insisting that their children receive help when, in practise, their children are reluctant or unwilling to engage.

Of course, where there is powerlessness, a lack of control, fear and anxiety, there is often an increase in controlling behaviours. Eating distress and obsessive, compulsive behaviours have crept in or returned with a vengeance into some people’s lives.

Some young people have reported really missing their friends and some have worried that their friends may no longer be there for them in the same way after lockdown. Crushing loneliness and boredom has led some to zone out, losing themselves in endless television repeats, which only feeds the cycle of disconnection and isolation. There has been a return to old maladaptive coping strategies for some young people, such as self-harming. For others, this may, however, be a new strategy, and for one lonely, YouTube-immersed client who needed to protect her psyche from an over-bearing mother, self-harm helped her to return to feeling alive following periods of dissociation and “death”.

AUTHORITY FIGURES ARE MEAN

There is also a rise in mistrust in authority figures with some feeling very cynical about whether or not schools will stay open. This mistrust has turned into outright hatred and anger in some cases or has made some children more anxious and scared. Teachers, headteachers, police and others have replicated the past bully or abuser or inconsistent parent in the child’s unconscious mind. One child who was struggling to leave the house, actually managed to take the plunge and go outdoors in the freshly fallen snow with his sledge, only to be caught by the police in the moment that some peers came over to chat to him. His dad was fined and the child withdrew further into his room and his shell, holding more fervently onto his belief that the world was a scary and dangerous place to be. Another, struggling to attend school at all at the end of the first lockdown, could only see the insistent teachers and social workers as forceful and frightening, like the man who originally abused him and was relieved when schools closed for a second time. It may not be transferential responses that are always the problem; for some, the Covid-19 virus itself is triggering historic trauma, panic attacks and Tourette’s. Hand sanitizer has even rubber banded some children back to early childhood trauma with drug and alcohol addicted parents.

Of course, for too many children, home has not always been a safe or secure setting. As child and adolescent practitioners, we are all too aware of the effects upon children of living in turbulent homes, where domestic violence may feature, and where there are levels of neglect or abuse. We do know that school often acts as a protective factor offering children respite and safety, distraction and stimulation. Safeguarding concerns have definitely increased amongst practitioners.

DEATH AND LOSS

Finally, death and loss. How do children and young people process the reality of what the world has been experiencing? Locking down because a silent and deadly virus is circulating within their schools and communities? Processing the fact that a normal and necessary hug or an ordinary after-school visit to a grandparent could endanger their loved one’s life? And then there are those who are grieving and those who have lost not just one family member but multiple family members. There are children who have lost loved ones to cancer or a sudden cardiac arrest. They are struggling with the pain of grief and loss, exacerbated by the fact that they cannot attend important ‘ending’ rituals or hug their extended families. One child has started saying, “Please make sure you stay safe.” at the end of her telephone therapy sessions, following the death of her grandma and the return of cancer to her father. Given her circumstances and with constant TV adverts and news features repeating those same words, is it any wonder?

We are really interested in hearing your thoughts. Write to Joanne and Sue at

truenorththerapy.contact@gmail.com